


Snapshots of Life With Maria and Natasha

by littlesolo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-15 11:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 18,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2226855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesolo/pseuds/littlesolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of Life With Maria and Natasha based on the caption pictures on my tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on these:
> 
> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/95788436351/marias-life-with-natasha-some-snapshots

It never fails.

Maria Hill is very good at her job. Any job, any task that is given to her. It’s why she fits in so well at Stark Industries.  These undercover side jobs that Tony has her doing (with Pepper’s permission) are just not working out though. Because even though she is very good at her job, and even though SHIELD no longer exists, Natasha still calls her when she needs help.  Maria knows that she’s called Sam on occasion as well, but she doesn’t call Steve or Clint, no, more often than not her first call is to Maria.

Maria bets Nat has her on speed dial. Which would be a touch sweet since they are a couple, but Maria bets Nat had her on speed dial before they ever started dating in a more " _in the event of a cluster fuck press two_ " sort of way. What’s worse is that Maria always responds. Wherever and with whatever Nat needs, Maria is either there in person or has back up there in twenty minutes or less.

So, no Maria Hill stands no chance of being promoted at any of these little side jobs so long as her other job is keeping Nat alive and safe.

And honestly? Natasha will always come first.


	2. Chapter 2

She had been relaxing. _RELAXING_. Just an evening off at an event with Pepper, Jane Foster, and Darcy Lewis. An odd little gathering of people, but that's what had made the night so much fun. That and Darcy's commentary on all the pieces of art in the gallery. Thoughts that normally would have stayed internalized were voiced by Darcy in a way that were indisputable. Like, of course the artist must have been suffering from pink eye and been sculpting with one eye shut to create that "master piece". Maria and the others hadn't laughed that hard or long for... well if she really thought about it, it was sad, so she didn't.  

Her part of their evening came to an abrupt end when she got a text from Natasha "requesting her presence". Not knowing if Nat was just playing on words because of the event or if she was in trouble, Maria pulled her gun from her thigh holster as she approached the meet point. She turned to poorly lit corner to find Natasha rolling a trolley with a body on it towards a waiting van. Natasha turn towards her for a moment and Maria merely raises an eyebrow. 

"You remember Romey, our informant on things happening in the Sudan who helped himself to everything in the SHIELD vault after double crossing the group we were trying to make an ally? Well he turned up and I need to know where to send him now that SHIELD can't take him." With a sigh, Maria pulled out her phone and made the arrangements. Oh, she remembered Clifford Romey and cleaning up his mess.  The bastard. She made the calls that are needed while Natasha checks his person for anything that might be of use. Once the pick up was arranged, she helps Nat get his wide girth from the trolley to the van.  

Unfortunately, that's when he decided to come to. Had it really been necessary to break his nose and split his lip before? Because now that blood was all over her white dress and she would have liked the honor herself. Natasha followed her home, where Maria pointed to the blood stains and lifted her eyebrow again. Natasha just rolled her eyes and motioned for the dress.  

In the morning, the blood stains were gone.  

When it came to blood, Maria swore that Natasha was magic.  

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

A random police patrol? _Really?_ I mean she was just sitting down with a cute little cafe's to go container of pasta! Maria closed the container, knowing that any second now she'd get a text from Natasha for help. The buzzing of her phone started a second later.  

Now this wasn't ideal. Short of flashing, it appeared the cops wouldn't be deterred from their rounds called in by some neighborhood watch member. She needed to be pretty drunk to pull off any form of nudity effectively. It wasn't that she wasn't believable, it was her instinct to strike when people got too handsy didn't really get muted unless she was drunk.  

So she had resorted to throwing her fifteen dollar pasta bowl on their windshield and was currently being chased down the block by one of the officers. The things she did because she loved Natasha. She'd almost forgotten that she'd have to act as a civilian and remembered just in time to start flailing her arms in panic as she awkwardly ran.  

Unfortunately, the cop caught her right in front of the plate glass window of the cafe.  Damn it!  It had been pretty good pasta too!  

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

They had been so _careful_. So careful! Nat had dyed her hair blonde and she'd cut her hair shorter. But finding employment was hard, it was true. But really, what were the odds of an old cabbie they knew from New York now working at a deli on K street in DC? 

Their covers blown, Natasha was at the computer wiping all digital trace of them in this apartment while Maria packed their things. It was interesting. Now that SHIELD was gone they could collect personal items and things, there wasn't so much need for secrecy. Still, after making it a life long habit, it was hard to break. So the clothes they packed were special. The Black Widow tshirt that was three sizes too big that Maria had bought to sleep in when Natasha was away. The teal scarf that Maria had bought Natasha because she said it fit her. Natasha had had her belongings packed in a matter of seconds, but Maria knew that the scarf had been the first thing in the bag. 

Of course they were all things that ultimately might have to be abandoned at any moment.  Something Maria hadn't been too pleased about until Natasha said she didn't mind because it just meant she got to make more memories with Maria.  Normally it was the sort of comment that Maria would roll her eyes at, but Natasha had said it as they had been bailing out of another place, her head peeking at her from around a door frame, her grin showing, and eyes sparkling with mischief.  Minutes later they'd been making their way off the balcony and across roofs as a group of someones busted down their old door.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/96231015231/snapshots-of-life-with-maria-and-natasha-part-2
> 
> Second group coming tomorrow!!


	5. Chapter 5

She had fucked up. She knew that. She was actually sort of proud that she'd gotten better at reading people when she wasn't on a mission to know that Maria was angry with her. Oh. Right. They'd have to bail out (yet again) of their last place but it was more of Natasha's fault this time.  

So, a guy had been checking Maria out for the past few days. Well, more along the lines of leering. And it wasn't that Maria couldn't take care of herself, Nat knew she could, but the guy made a point to catch Natasha's eye and let her know he was leering. And Natasha might be slightly the jealous and possessive type. Slightly.  

Maria had told her to let it go, but there was something about this guy's face that rubbed her the wrong way. Later, she remembered who the skeevy bastard was. It was Jonas, a HYDRA operative. Being Jonas was a crime in itself, but Maria wouldn't stop at killing a traitor. Then she'd probably take a long hot shower to sanitize herself from being ogled by one, a task Natasha would be happy to help with.  

However, none that took place.  

Now that she knew that there was a HYDRA presence, Natasha packed up their few things that had meaning to them and then ransacked the apartment making sure to leave signs crediting a local militia with ties to HYDRA. Then she torched it. 

She had just finished taking care of Jonas when she spotted Maria walking back towards their former apartment. Pulling her into a side alley, she shared a look with her lover that said they'd been compromised and led Maria to their new place.  

She then tried to explain what had happened and her reasons for things playing out the way they did. Unfortunately, as she explained it, even she saw that the fire had been excessive. Maria had placed her hands on the counter and closed her eyes while she bowed her head. Natasha winced. This was the position Maria took when she was mentally counting to ten. Maria then let out a deep breath and said she was going out for a walk. Natasha's shoulders slumped as she watched her walk out. At least she knew she'd be coming back. She took comfort in that. Maria would never just leave her without giving her an explanation face to face. Notes could be overlooked, messages accidentally deleted, phones destroyed along with their voicemail. It was something Maria had promised her early on in their relationship. That any disagreement they had would be worked out face to face that way nothing would be misinterpreted and taken the wrong way.   
Still, she wrote Maria a quick note before taking a shower and going to bed. 

* * *

 

Maria returned from her walk to find Natasha's note on the counter:  

 _Dear Maria,_  
 _I'm sorry I compromised our apartment...by setting it on fire. I'll make it up to you sweetheart, I swear. Cross the next bad guy's heart._

Maria wasn't sure what touched her more, Nat's use of an endearment or the threat of violence on their next enemy.  Either way, she curled herself around the assassin's smaller frame and let her nuzzle into the space under her chin.  

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all chapters are tumblr related. Still Maria/Natasha related though so no worries.

Maria likes and respects Steve Rogers. He is Captain America after all. He is always honest and always means well and that makes up for a lot of his mis steps. During the mess with Loki she remembers Stark telling Rogers that everything special about him came out of a bottle. Steve had retorted something or another but there are times she's come close of reminding him of that. That and the fact he was a willing participant. 

Natasha was not.  

He doesn't know that there has to be a familiar face in her line of vision when she wakes up for her not to panic in medical, regardless of if she's in the field or not. Most of the time she works solo missions so a video feed of Maria, Clint, or Coulson is set up. He doesn't know how many medics came close to having their necks snapped until they started using the same team on Natasha's runs and she started recognizing them. He doesn't know that she still panics a bit at needles, but only Maria and Clint can tell.  

He hasn't seen the nightmares that are sometimes triggered by his stupid stories of going through the super soldier program and Bucky by his side. There hadn't been anyone by Natasha's side, only her own screams echoing back at her. He hasn't had to change the sheets in the middle of the night due to her sweating with anxiety in her nightmares. Nightmares. It seems like such a childish term and yet not descriptive enough. Night terrors. It's terror that Maria sees on Natasha's face when she manages to pull herself free. Maria dodges Natasha's blows, sometimes unsuccessfully, but she never tries to stop them, never tries to pin her and reassure her that she safe. For in those few moments, she still isn't. The only one who can determine if she's safe is Natasha, and Maria gives her the space and time to do just that. She sits back and waits, ignoring the bruised eye or cheek or sometimes bleeding nose. Those can be dealt with later. The moment Natasha focuses in on her and recognizes her, she's in her lap holding on for dear life, making sure she's real and making sure she's alive.  

What Steve Rogers doesn't understand is that he became a super soldier out of dedication to his country.  

Natasha thought she was too.  

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Most assume that it's Natasha with all the shadows in her past. Most of the time they'd be right. But Natasha is finding out what being in a relationship means. Not only does it mean exposing your most vulnerable side someone, it means seeing theirs. It means understanding why Maria jumps when thunder booms so loudly that the windows shake in their frames. 

Why the vicious dog that barks and snarls and pulls desperately at his chain to attack everyone who goes by his house goes quiet and then backs up when Maria sternly stares him down. Natasha has known many types of cruelty in this world and has learned to use them very skillfully. It surprises her when Maria tells her of her past, of cruelties she had not known. She's knows how to belittle, to make someone believe they are nothing. She's used it to break people, to get information, even information for SHIELD. 

But self doubt? To the point where she believed she had no worth? _Maria Hill?_ This strong woman before her? How could this woman whose ingenuity, innovation, and tactics earned her the title of Assistant Director of the world's most powerful organization? She couldn't have built everything she is based on the premise that she once wasn't enough, it just wasn't possible.  

Any facet of Maria was enough to Natasha. Maria had shown her compassion from the beginning without trying to use it as an "in" to try and get to know her. She'd given her tips and helpful things. The fire exit map was more helpful than anyone ever really knew. 

Except Maria. She knew. She knew that it helped Natasha learn the layout of the helicarrier as well as the exits and emergency points. It was a sign of trust. The map showed where the extinguishers were but also where the engines were likely to have flare ups. Not everyone trusted the former KGB-spy with that kind of information but Maria had handed the map to her without any sort of promise or oath to SHIELD.  

* * *

Natasha changed identities as easily as walking through doorways. Maria had completely rebuilt herself. 

Natasha finds out that parts of Maria as a child still remain. The competitive side that comes out when they start up a game of street hockey. Maria reading Calvin and Hobbes comic books while drinking hot cocoa and wrapped in a warm blanket in winter. Reading a choose your own adventure books while sitting in a tree during summer. Grass stains. Arcade games. Maria had introduced Natasha to all these things she had missed out on, but honestly Natasha can't imagine experiencing them any other way.  

Natasha has seen the scars too. The one below Maria's left shoulder. The one on her back above her kidneys. If Maria's Aunt and Uncle were still alive, she'd kill them slowly. She'd hope it would bring Maria peace, but the death of her tormentors had never eased _her_ dreams. She would always grateful to Sharon Carter and her family for taking Maria in. Maria had said her Uncle liked to set up dog fights. Maria was in charge of catching and wrangling the dogs. It was just one of the ways she was tormented. Being the smart, tall, and lanky girl hadn't won her any points in school either.  

Natasha's childhood had been stolen from her and she'd been molded into a weapon.  She'd been spared the cruelty of other children and their teasing.  She says she wouldn't let other people hurt Maria if she'd known her then.  She would have been her friend.  Bruce Banner gives her a sad smile and she's not sure what to make of that.  "You might have become two completely different people" he says.  

"Or the same but knowing what it means to be happy sometimes" she responds.  Bruce pretends he doesn't hear.  It's one of the reasons she likes him.  

Maria had told Natasha her past simply as a statement of fact. Natasha was used to people looking for sympathy or trying to hide those parts of themselves but not Maria. She was one of the few people that after a while, Natasha didn't have to "read", Natasha could just tell. 

Natasha had come into the relationship not quite understanding what it was to be in one.

She found it sad that Maria seemed to be waiting for her to leave once she had learned.

If anything Natasha was now more inclined to stay.  

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

It's been two hours and thirty seven minutes.

Maria is sitting on a chair on top of the kitchen table.

She can't reach her gun but she has the fire extinguisher and she has called both Natasha and Coulson.  

The creature looked like it was something that Loki brought with him but at this point she really didn't care. Whatever it was had just eaten the solid steel based thing they had bought for Banner's birthday. Eaten it like it like it was a zebra cake. She might have angered it a bit when she doused it with vodka, but she was acting instinctually. Her instincts had said "OH SHIT!" On the plus side, she could reach her lighter. Maybe she could roast the sucker. 

Natasha and Coulson and his team chose that moment to come to her rescue.   
"SHUT THE DOOR! DON'T LET IT ESCAPE!!" 

Almost an hour later Coulson and his team left with the creature and Natasha and Maria would be getting a new apartment because their current one was ruined beyond repair and now had a gaping four foot hole in the ceiling.  Thankfully they had the top floor apartment.  


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one became longer than intended but whatever.

On the run again.

In New York.

With Darcy Lewis.  

The whole situation was less than ideal but Natasha had them duck into a place that belonged to a friend of hers. The smell of paint made Maria's head hurt. For some reason, Darcy was carrying a baker's dozen of glazed donuts under her arm.  

The room had copies of numerous famous paintings either hanging on the walls or sitting propped against walls. 

"So were you and this person a thing? Because i wouldn't let just anyone into my paint by numbers lair" said Darcy as she adjusted her gloves. There were a number of falling apart couches sitting in front a queen size mattress covered with plastic drop clothes. 

"No. We simply have a shared understanding of certain things. We traveled in some similar circles and were both trying to learn to be...regular people. Neither of us made it, but I'm happy with the result" explained Natasha as she made eye contact with Maria.  

"Yes. We met at a former friend's private airstrip. She was cursing him in multiple languages and frightening off the staff. As any one would be at a red head going off in Farsi, Russian, Arabic, Mandarin, Spanish, French, and Cantonese" said a voice from the back as they came closer. Maria brought up her gun and positioned herself in front of Darcy but Natasha motioned for her to relax. As the person came into view, Maria could feel her headache intensify. 

She knew who that was. Jamie Moriarty.  

"Want a donut?" offered Darcy, never put off by people, regardless of their intentions. Jamie helped herself to one and thanked Darcy with a small nod. She then turned and raised an eyebrow at Maria. 

"You're going to want to have that looked at soon" say Jamie as she gestures towards Maria's side with her donut. Maria had been pushing herself for two and a half days now and all she felt was sort of a constant buzz of energy. She found it annoying and it interfered with her ability to doze, but for the time being it was what was reminding her that they needed to keep moving and get somewhere safe.  

Natasha hadn't missed the motion though and had promptly moved Maria to sit down on a nearby chair. Seeing the bed she all but carried Maria over there, despite Maria's flailing and protests to be put down. Looking at the wound, Natasha found it went right through. Looking up at Maria's face, Natasha felt like kicking herself for not noticing how tired Maria looked. When was the last time any of them ate?

"Damn. That must hurt like a bitch! I mean it went through nothing but muscle, right?" asked Darcy. Maria rolled her eye, something that relieved Natasha's worries a little.  

"SHIELD agents _are_ required to keep fit, you know" answered Maria.  

"Lady, last week I saw you eat more nachos than me and drink more tequila than is imported from Mexico in a month. What you have there? It's more than a six pack. It's not _quite_ a Natasha-pack, but it's close. It still means there's no fat there" stated Darcy with an absolute certainty.

"Give her a donut Lewis, she could use the sugar" said Natasha as she prepared to clean and dress the wound with the kit Jamie had provided.  

"No, that much sugar right now will just make me nauseous" argued Maria.  

"Maria, eat the donut or I'm going to have Darcy soak it in water and then you probably will throw up" says Natasha as Jamie brings over a large bowl of warm water and fresh towels.  

"Maria? That wouldn't be the famed Maria Hill would it?" asks Jamie with a look on her face that makes Natasha nervous as she gets to work.  

"Famed.....famed by who?" asks Maria, trying not to yell out in pain or jump as Natasha disinfects the wound.  

"Yep, that'd be her" answers Darcy as she accepts a cup of tea from Jamie, who keeps the pot and cups waiting for the others when they finish. "Look at me being all arty fartsy, surrounded by paintings and drinking tea" says Darcy. "So why'd you ask about Maria?" 

Jamie really does the Cheshire cat grin well.  

"Simply because I've heard so much about her from Natasha and it's nice to have a face to go with the name. Although I'm sure we both wish we'd met under better circumstances" says Jamie with a dismayed look.  

Maria cries out in pain.  That was Natasha's fault this time.  "Sorry."  

Darcy? Darcy gets that look about her when she knows something is up. But she knows to tread carefully, Natasha and Maria are two she always wants to stay on good terms with. But Jamie looks like she doesn't mind taking the lead.  

"I believe the last tale Natasha told me involved Steve Rogers asking you out on a date and then Natasha smashing his shield on his head?" 

"What?" asks Maria turning towards the sometimes artist. She'd look at Natasha, but the assassin was pointedly avoiding her gaze. 

"OHHHH!" Natasha inwardly cringed, knowing what was coming.  Darcy moved and sat next to Jamie and pulled out her phone.  "I have that video footage!  Clint sent it to me!"  

Natasha was going to _kill_ Hawkeye.  

The gong like sound the shield made when it came down on Steve's head had surprised her. She'd been expecting more of a dull thud. It had put Steve in medical for two days. 

"Let me see!" begs Maria, arm outstretched and fingers wiggling for the phone.   
Natasha is finishing bandaging up the wound when Maria finishes watching, a soft smile on her face. 

"And that was for??"  

"He asked you out" says Natasha.  

"And I turned him down" says Maria with a raised eyebrow. 

"But he asked me if he should and I said no. He did anyway." 

"So he can't if you say no?" asks Maria, not knowing the whole conversation Nat had had with Steve making her confused.  

"He should have known I had my reasons for saying no. Like maybe you were already seeing someone" answer Natasha, giving Maria a quick kiss as she gets up from her crouched position next to the bed and goes to wash her hands.   
Darcy pops part of another donut in her mouth, sure that laughing at their adorableness will get her killed. Jamie hides her smile behind her tea cup.  

* * *

Actually, the fact that Natasha and Maria were dating was never made clear to Steve until after he'd spent his two days in medical. He happened to spot Natasha and Maria in a deep kiss in a corner of the hallway near the gym. He'd heard from Sam that Maria had just gotten back from a mission that had gone really bad. He was glad to see her back. Not as glad as Natasha though, obviously. He quickly averted his gaze. He's have to make himself a note. A really big one that reminded him that it was in his best interest not to say comments like that out loud. I would get him killed.

Or worse, he'd end up with a sense of humor like Tony's.

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh, you're collecting dead people now for inspiration?" asks a voice Natasha hasn't heard before. Her fingers slide beneath Maria's coat and towards her shoulder holster.  

"No need for that" says Jamie.  "They're not dead, love, merely resting."  

"Speak for yourself, I need caffeine or I am technically dead until noon. You can ask Jane, she'll tell you" says Darcy as she straightens from her position on a sofa.  

Maria hadn't stirred and when Natasha had moved to sit up. Natasha shared a look with Jamie who grabbed her friend around the waist and guided her over towards Maria. Natasha was worried, but she placed her body protectively in front of Maria's. Jamie is reminded of a panther or jaguar in the way the assassin moves and the lethal look in her eye.  

"Joan here used to be a surgeon. We should let her take a look and make sure everything is alright" explains Jamie slowly, hoping the logic would be clear and would override Natasha's protective instincts.   
Natasha backs up and puts the gun down. Jamie's friend lift Maria's shirt and inspected the wound. After a few minutes she covered her back up. 

"What was her condition before she was wounded?  The last time she ate and slept?" asked Joan.  Jamie took in Natasha's dark scowl.  

"We're not sure.  At least more than a day."  

"Well, the wound seems to be healing nicely. It looks like her body is just making up for the toll she'd put it through. As long as she gets some rest she should be fine." She turned towards Jamie and raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you have an IV just laying around, do you?"

"I always try to accommodate my guests needs" replies Jamie as she goes off to get one.  

"Of course she does" mutters Joan. Natasha has Maria curled up in her lap. Joan recognizes the Black Widow but it's hard to find her intimidating the way she's making sure her girlfriend is comfortable. The tenderness she showed the wounded woman was something she knew. Jamie showed her that tenderness, and not in jest like she often suggested in their banter both in front of others and when they were alone. Three fingers on her wrist signaled Jamie's return and Joan moved to insert the saline drip.  

"So, if I start looking between couch cushions, am I going to find like a giant telescope for Jane?" asks Darcy.  

"No, but you might find the keys to the observatory" says Joan, as she checks Maria one last time for any signs of fever. She gives Natasha a smile. "She's much better than my last patient that had a wound like that" says Joan a bit loudly. Natasha cocks an eyebrow while Maria snuggled further into her side while wrapping an arm around Nat's waist and pulling her closer.  

"I believe you just misspoke. I was the model of a perfect patient" states Jamie. 

"You nearly gave me a black eye. I managed to escape with just a bruised cheekbone." argues Joan.  

"Yes, well. Let's go shopping, shall we? Darcy are you coming or would you prefer to stay?"

"I'll come. Let them cuddle awhile" says Darcy as she pulls on her coat. "Glare all you want lady, you two are adorable and need some sleep. I am in need of muffins and perhaps a cronut."  

Natasha rolled her eyes.  Maria did look adorable while she slept and she could use a few more hours herself.  Wrapping the sheets more firmly around them, she let out a deep sigh and joined Maria in slumber.  


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Agents of Shield for you

After a mission, Maria and Natasha are stranded.  The mission was successful so there's that.  And they're not "stranded" exactly, but no one enjoys a 37 mile hike back to the last town they saw.  Neither of them are even sure if that town had a working...anything resembling the kind of communication they needed.  

Natasha was the first to notice the truck approaching them.  By the time it was fifty yards away both women hand their guns drawn and had sought out cover.  Natasha had the seeking grenades ready and Maria's rifle was aimed to take out the right front tire.  It slowed to a stop and the passenger side window rolled down to reveal Melinda May.  Letting out a sigh of relief, Natasha and Maria hauled their weary bodies to the back seat.  

"Thank you."  

"Thank you."  

The two of them had said it almost in unison as they collapsed into their seats and buckled in.  

"See!  It's the first thing out of their mouths!" says Mama May.  Melinda turns and gives them both her best death glare.  

"What?" they ask, sensing that there's a part of the conversation here that they're missing that's probably going to have them running full speed away from May soon.  

"Nothing.  My daughter is just learning that strangers have manners when being picked up by a friend" says Mama May.  

If anything Melinda's glare intensifies.  


	12. Chapter 12

Phil and his ghost team visiting Ward. His name came up in an "exchange" they had with another party during a mission. Skye was to be used in terms of barter. Although due to Grant Ward's Fatal Attraction like feelings for Skye the trade was unlikely to happen, they still wanted to see if Ward was willing to tell them what he knew. Maria and Natasha were overseeing this even though their presence wasn't really necessary due to Phil being the new Director of SHIELD along with Melinda and Trip's presence.  

Some thought it was a slight that Maria was passed over for the roll of Director but it wasn't. She was still up holding her duty to SHIELD. She wasn't as prone to impassioned speeches like Phil and Steve, but her actions said more than enough. Since the SHIELD and Hydra mess was being cleaned up by Stark Industries, who had been hired as a private contractor by the government, she'd taken a position there. From there, with Pepper's help she managed to try and keep the remaining secrets that SHIELD had hidden and steer them away from things that would only cause trouble or rile people up. There was so much hate in the world as it was. If the world was to suddenly discover the existence of "gifteds" there would be riots. Then there was the fact that when they discovered them and helped them, many of these people with gifts were still children whose gifts were heavily linked to emotion. The last thing they needed was to feel threatened by a mob and have an ability to cause say, an earthquake. 

So Maria spent her days in hearings and once again cleaning up SHIELD's mess, but that's how she preferred things. It's how it's always been. After Thor's incident in New Mexico, she'd helped Jane Foster set up a SHIELD lab with all the equipment she needed for her research. She'd even helped her intern Darcy find the dog she'd adopted during the attack, Baker. After New York she'd help gather as much of the alien technology and debris as possible, knowing that the scavengers had already got to some of it, but she'd dispatched teams to work on that as well.  

She focused on the long game and the big picture and kept her eye out for threats like HYDRA. Honestly, Phil Coulson was better suited for the position of Director than she was. He still believed in man and his potential for good. Even after everything, after New York, after HYDRA, Phil still believed good would prevail. This was despite being struck down by evil, and dying at the hands of Loki. He was a remarkable man that way. He was also a better people person. She'd be the one who commanded from the back in his shadow and be the one who reminds him that the big picture now includes more than just earth.  

She'd seen too much to be the Director. Some of it she'd only glimpsed at in Natasha's eyes when she got that far away look that she didn't let herself have very often. But, Maria had seen Natasha come back from missions devastated, unwilling to cry except when they were alone and she was in the comfort of Maria's arms. Or that ridiculous stuffed creature Maria had gotten her so she had something to hold until Maria could be there. Maria had seen Phil's body after Loki had impaled him with his staff. Maria had also been in the field before and had had her share of close calls, but nothing like the tunnel caving in around her after Loki came through the portal.  

Although, with it's horrors SHIELD had it's share of miracles too. Maria got her best friend back. It had been all of three in the morning and her body had been entangled with Natasha's in slumber when Phil had called them. 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" That he was an avenger? With his endless optimism and sense of duty, she'd thought it was fairly obvious. Thankfully, Melinda was his second for the time being. She knew that when ever Fury came back, both Phil and Melinda would simply hand over the reigns again.  

* * *

Seeing May interrogate Ward was lacking the fun it usually had. Natasha was in the room with May, Skye having deliberately let slip his comment about Nat being better eye candy than Maria. Some of the agents were wondering if they were going to give Ward a second chance. Some argued why not, they did with Natasha. They couldn't be more wrong and the fact that they would compare the two disgusted her.  

Natasha had come to SHIELD tired of running and looking to change. She had been an ally from the start. Her history, the children's ward specifically, was at the forefront of most people's mind when they thought of her past, but she was trying in her own was to make up for it. Make amends. Her ledger. There was no actual ledger, nothing committed to paper or digital file, simply a mental memory of all the blood she'd spilled. A blood red tally mark for every innocent she'd every killed, gotten killed, or felt she owed a debt to. Maria knew she was a in Natasha's ledger more than once but the assassin would never tell her exactly how many. Maria felt she shouldn't be in it at all, but the one time she'd told Natasha this tears had formed at the corners of her eyes and wrapped Maria in a tight hug. But, no one else keeps track, only Natasha does and she does so diligently, knowing that she will probably never clear her ledger.  

Grant Ward had come to SHIELD prepared to be a traitor. A HYDRA sleeper agent awaiting orders. He'd gone through the academy and training and had become a respectable agent who was still willing to kill anyone at a moments notice. It's not as if he hadn't been given a chance. He'd been given chance, upon chance, upon chance. Victoria Hand had been a friend, to Maria, Natasha, Phil, Melinda, to all of them. She was seen by most a the same kind of cold bitch Maria was often taken for but there was more to her. You had to give her credit though, she had even HYDRA guessing as to whose side she was on up until when they rescued Jemma and Trip. She had always been brilliant when it came to strategy. Ward had put a round in her chest and a round in her head. His last chance at humanity had been when it came to Fitz and Simmons. Some might say it was an act of compassion leaving them in the container, and knowing they'd figure something out. Bullshit. The container was bulletproof. He'd simply resorted to the next best thing, despite Leo Fitz's pleas and assurance of trust and friendship. He'd lost anything resembling that the moment he let them plummet to the bottom of the ocean. Maria bets the only thing going through his mind had been whether or not Garrett would accept the job as done. Ward had made calculated moves to gain trust and then killed without hesitation. He was nothing like Natasha. To those who would argue otherwise, if Maria would even bother with the discussion rather than dropkick you from the helicarrier at maximum altitude, she would point out Dr. Banner. Natasha had been send to get him after Loki emerged from the portal. He had threatened her and she pulled her gun, he'd apologized claiming he needed to see what she would do. That was probably true, but it had been Maria who had decided to send the backup team with Natasha. Later he ran after Natasha through the core of the helicarrier. For a while Natasha had nightmares of the event. But she'd fought with the monster in New York and eat shwarma with him after. Ward probably would have put a bullet in his head back in Calcutta. When Natasha needs time with her thoughts she sits with Banner in his lab.  

Ward had sent his team mates to die, even when they still believed in him against all odds. The one that believed in him the most now has suffered a lack of oxygen to his brain. Natasha has risked her life over and over on missions and saved her fellow SHIELD agents. She saved agent Barton in Budapest at the cost of nearly both their lives and worked with others that she's had misgivings about.

But she's never turned her back on them.  

Melinda has just punched Ward in the jaw. Maria's not worried. She knows Melinda won't kill him and neither will Natasha.

He would not show them this mercy if the tables were turned.


	13. Chapter 13

When Natasha had started her relationship with Maria, she had received a visitor in her apartment. There weren't many that would risk breaking into Natasha's apartment, so when Sharon was waiting for her she knew it must be important. Her apartment was sparse but she kept it on the off chance that she ruined things with Maria and she kicked her out.  

"Are you serious about Maria?" asked Sharon as she watched Natasha clean herself up a bit after her last mission.  

"I'm actually trying to.... I'm actually trying" answered Natasha. Sharon gave her a long look before nodding and motioning for Natasha to join her at the table so she could take a look at her left shoulder.  

"I shouldn't be doing this you know" sighs Sharon.

"Well, aside from Banner, you're one of the few medical professionals I trust" replies Natasha, knowing that she'd already pulled a few stitches, but she'd brought the kit over when she sat down.  

"No, I mean having this conversation. It's something Aunt Peggy wanted to do. The last time was when Maria's Uncle stabbed her."  

This was new information. She knew that some of the other scars, the ones that had mostly faded were dog bites but she'd also always known that the one on her back above her kidneys was a knife wound. She had just never known how it happened. Maria was too careful and too smart to leave herself open to a blow like that.  

"I found her bleeding out in a pool of blood. Neither her Uncle or Aunt were around and his truck was gone. I called 911 and then after surgery, she recovered at my house and we took her in as family. This was our senior year of high school but we'd known each other since freshman year and she spent a lot of time at my house anyway. Her Uncle came for her two weeks after. Said she was his. Aunt Peggy shoved her gun in his face and said if he or his wife ever came near Maria again, she'd make him disappear." Natasha took a deep breath, something she'd learned from Maria, while she reminded herself that Maria's Uncle and Aunt were already dead so she couldn't kill them.  

"I can't promise I'll never hurt her, Sharon, but I can promise I will never do it intentionally" said Natasha. What surprised her had been how quickly Maria became so important to her.  

 

Natasha had been a spy and she knew how to play people and read people.

Maria had shown up knowing how to read her.  

* * *

Natasha was used to using her sexuality on missions, regardless of the target's gender. Maria had been her partner on a mission. Despite the low cut of her dress, Maria had kept her eyes on Natasha's face the entire evening. They'd had good night. Clint and Phil had taken over and they'd ended up having a pleasant conversation over a five star meal.  

"It never stops, does it?" asked Maria with a small smile.

"Hmm?" Natasha may have been briefly distracted by Maria's blue eyes.

"You're mind. Your tracking four different people and checking to make sure which exits are still clear. That's in addition to the, I'm guessing three possible mission scenarios you've got playing out in your head? All while giving me eighty percent of your attention and carrying on an interesting conversation. I'm impressed _and_ I'm actually enjoying myself tonight" said Maria as she smiled at her as she took a sip from her wine glass. You wouldn't have been able to tell unless you were looking closely, but Natasha faltered for a second. Most of what Maria had said was true, but she had been letting it sort of fade in and out all night, the woman across from her intriguing her.  

* * *

She knew she already trusted Maria, her being honest with her about her past after she'd broken into the Assistant Director's house, but she didn't know her as a person. As they worked together though, she found out more about her. Like that Maria ran. She often ran in the morning before work, but after hard missions she would often run until all her body and mind simply couldn't go any further. More than once Natasha had had to drive out and pick her up from the side of the road where she'd all but collapsed. Maria had a thing for ridiculous stuffed animals because they made her laugh even when she was in the shittiest of moods. She loved arcade games, and on windy days sometimes she'd pull a kite down from the top shelf of her closet just for the hell of it.  

That wasn't to say they didn't fight. Learning Coulson was alive and that Maria had known had Natasha moving back to her own apartment for a week. The general concerns like being careful during a mission weren't something they even bothered arguing about since missions never went like they were supposed to.  

If anything, when it came to being reckless and look after one's self it would be Natasha lecturing Maria rather than the other way around like most thought. Natasha a trained field operative and generally had some idea of what she was walking into. Maria was Fury's second, and while Nat trusted Fury, he played things close to the vest but Maria followed even so. That tended to send her into situations that were very heavy, with little time to prepare, and little chance of actually getting out. That scared Natasha to her core, but no one else could get the job done like Maria. Maria was largely why Fury was still alive, why any of them were, and while most tended to forget that, Natasha never did.  

She admired Sharon for looking after her all but adopted sister, and knew Peggy Carter would have done the job if she could. She would have respected her for it as well. Both women had helped remind Maria of her strength. Not find her strength, or rediscover, but remind her. Her strength had always been there. It's how she'd lasted until Sharon and her family had rescued her. She'd escaped in her studies, escaped in her books, escaped in her bike rides and runs and treks through the woods. The arcade games where her skill at the buttons and reflexes with the joystick always made sure that good defeated evil. She now brought that strength to SHIELD where she worked not only to make everyone on earth safe, but those that were finding out they were "gifted" or came about their changes some other way.  

What Natasha really hoped was that she was someone good enough for Maria. Maria said she was, but sometimes Natasha still had her doubts. She knew the most important part for certain though: she loved Maria and Maria loved her. That was more than enough.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with this song in mind. Sort of as their song. The vacation's theme. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cBOeiCnKg

The vacation had been Pepper's idea. After so many hearings, both Maria and Natasha's masks were beginning to slip. Pepper's main worry was that the next arrogant government official to thing they had one of the women in a trap would be met with a left hook.  

When the two women entered their hotel room in Spain, they collapsed on the overly comfy bed and tossed their vacation cell phones off on to the side table. Pepper had confiscated their usual phones and gave them two Stark Industries top of the line phones with only two numbers programed in: each other's and Pepper's. Their vacation was to be a complete separation from work. 

The first thing they did was spend two days in bed. The first fourteen hours were spent sound asleep with their bodies entwined. That was followed by room service and lounging as well as passionate physical pursuits. It was like discovering each other again. Usually when they had sex, while they were completely focused on each other, there was always the possibility that their phones might ring. A seven story tall creature could walk past their window. Tony Stark could plague Steve Rogers with a pack of flying monkeys as a prank that gets out of hand. One never knew.  

So they took their time. Rediscovered every inch. Natasha loved to have the spot where her jaw met her neck nuzzled and fingers threaded through the hair at the back of her neck. Maria wore her hair up so often that when it was down and tickled down her back, it added to her arousal while Natasha worked her way down her chest. They collapsed against each other fully sated and unable to move until the morning to order breakfast in bed.  

* * *

They had danced before. In clubs with Darcy and the others, events where Tony danced with everyone so that no one ever felt left out, at parties where they really shouldn't have after having that much to drink. The strumming of guitar strings of some local guy performer and the festively lit courtyard with others dancing seemed to call to her, and Natasha found herself moving across the ground with a young boy who had had a girl just laugh in his face. The boy couldn't have been much older than ten. Twelve maybe, but he certainly knew how to dance. He kept one hand at Natasha's waist and one hand in hers and let himself get lost in the music as well. When the song ended, he gave a small bow and thanked her and she kissed his forehead. He blushed and ran off. She looked towards his friends and could tell that some knew who she was.  

"You made him famous just now. ' _The boy who danced with the Black Widow, got a kiss, and lived_.' He'll be a legend soon" said Maria as Natasha walked back to her. Natasha gave a small laugh.  

"I wouldn't mind that type of legend every so often" replied Natasha as she extended her hand towards Maria. The current song was a tango and Natasha went to adjust her steps to accommodate Maria's but found she didn't have to. Maria met her step for step even when they became more complicated and when they got faster. When the song ended Natasha had an odd look on her face, one that Maria had never seen before. Natasha assured her that she was fine, but she stopped at the hotel's front desk before joining Maria in their room for the night.  

* * *

The next morning after breakfast, Natasha packed a small backpack and led Maria through the streets of Spain. Entering a run down building, Natasha used a key she'd picked up at the front desk that morning and unlocked the doors to a private dance studio.  

"Maria, how much dance do you know?" as she unzipped the bag and changed into some better suited clothes. Maria spotted a pair for her as well and did the same.  

"Um, I don't know...a fair amount? I actually was friend's with Sharon's Aunt way before I met Sharon. Aunt Peggy told me that to be a good fighter I had to understand how my body worked and to do that I needed to learn dance" explained Maria, feeling very much like the lanky awkward girl she'd been when Peggy Carter first saw her with scrapped knees and arms. Natasha nodded and set up an iPod dock and speakers.  

They spent the afternoon dancing. Waltz, flamenco, ballroom, any kind they could think of. Three hours later Natasha sat down and sipped from her water bottle. They were both exhausted and ready to head back to the hotel for a long hot bath.  

"Nat? Natasha? What's wrong?" Maria was sitting next to her and reached out towards her cheek to brush away tears Natasha hadn't even known were falling.  

"You told me...that time I broke into your house during the event, you told me you found that old picture of me dancing. You gave it to me." Maria nodded, unsure of where this was going. 

"Red Room took almost everything thing from me but the one thing I kept for myself was my love of dance. I was very good even before they took me. Russian dance school has that effect. When I dance with you though....it's different. It's like I don't have to think, you already know what I'm going to do and are waiting. As if are souls are speaking. That's what our instructor used to say. You dance with your soul and when you don't you are crushing your spirit. She said ' _this is Russia, we have no use for crushed spirits, let them freeze to death in the snow. The rest of you, again!_ ' I thought the souls part was just...something she said. Not really something you feel, but I feel it when I dance with you." Maria wrapped her arms around Natasha and simply held her, letting her stay wrapped in her few memories of childhood that weren't related to Red Room. Then they went back and after a long soak had dinner at a near by cafe.  

* * *

The rest of the trip was spent doing things like walking the old streets and taking pictures of places to remember and each other. Occasionally, they would have a stranger take a picture of them together. The most surprising thing about the trip was that not once did either woman feel herself instinctively reaching for a weapon. Not when young children ran by screaming as they played, not when young boys zoomed past them a little too close on vespas as they tried to get the fresh fish from the docks to the market, or when an irate driver honked his horn at a bus that had no where to go due to a traffic jam.  

It was all a much needed and long overdue break from the world that they usually lived in. It had also shown them that while they were two separate people, Maria connected with a part of Natasha that she let very few see, and even fewer understood the importance of. If either woman were to believe in fate or true love or destiny then perhaps that's what this was. Maybe they were soul mates. But, they were more practical than that.  

But then again, they live in a world of Gods and aliens, so who knows?

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goes along with this post. 
> 
> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/97301750001/this-song-reminds-maria-of-natasha-a-new
> 
> Another track list challenge. Song that reminds Maria of Natasha.

Maria has a song on her iPhone that she associates with Natasha. The theme from the series Penny Dreadful. The series incorporates characters from Victorian horror stories as if they had been real and had interacted with each other.  

Natasha sometimes reminded Maria of a character from one of those novels. The characters in those stories were written with such elegance and detail. Their every movement described with such vivid imagery you could almost see the poise and grace with which they moved.  

If you were to ask Natasha, she would probably agree and describe herself as a mixture between Dracula and Dorian Gray. However she would not see the same mysticism and magic that Maria saw. Natasha would see that despite the challenges the monsters overcame and growth they showed, the stories never ended well for Frankenstein or Hyde. Natasha would always see herself as some sort of reformed monster with her ledger from which she tried her best to repay her debts but never really believed she'd truly be able to. She believed she was far too tarnished and no amount of polish or rubbing would ever make her shine, but she'd come to terms with that long ago.  

However, Maria had a love of unique things. Not necessarily oddities or antiques but things that were often over looked. Black Widow. The darker opening of the song reminded her of a spider beginning to spin it's web. When the web is first being built, the spacing is so wide that it's often forgotten what the end result is intended to be. No one really pays attention though because all focus is on the spider.  

Why wouldn't it be? Natasha is gorgeous to be sure but her mind is beautiful as well. Should you ask her, she'll tell you she used to be Russian. Red Room enhanced her genes but her interests are her own. Yes, she's read the SHIELD database, but because it would prove useful when working missions to have the history of previous ones. She read all of the Victorian horror novels that Maria owned (by stealing them and then putting them back with post its left in places marking her favorite parts and little thoughts she had) and then discussed them with her. She had many other interests that Maria was learning about but at the moment it seemed Natasha was taking the time to learn hers.  

When the music picks up she can almost see the spider's thread weaving an intricate pattern, almost like fine lace in it's detail. Those who get caught in it struggle and thrash to no avail. The Black Widow is a master at her craft.  

This is where Maria thinks Natasha is wrong though. She is not a monster, far from it in fact. If Natasha were to ask her to compare her to a Victorian figure, Maria would choose Mr. Joseph Meerick, better known as the Elephant Man. Mr. Meerick was described as monstrous and ghastly by most and although she has worked for SHIELD for years now, some still can't see past the fact that she used to be a KGB spy. Under Mr. Meerick's appearance though was a beautiful and large heart and Natasha is very much the same.  

Most would disagree but they don't see the two of them together, haven't seen Natasha visit Sharon in the children's ward and make the kids smile not in her mission gear but in a pair of well worn jeans and one of Maria's old shirts. They don't know that she has of a love of mythology and will spend time telling the old tales she's all but memorized to the children as they color pictures of the stories, often depicting a red haired woman as the heroine. They don't know that in the middle of a pursuit during a mission she came across child soldiers and knew she couldn't leave them as they were.  

You see there is no Victorian horror novel or Penny Dreadful that depicts anyone like Natasha Romanov, which is why Maria knows her ending won't be like one in the old books.

It hasn't been written yet.

At the rate it's going though, it looks to be a happy.  


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track list Challenge
> 
> Reminds Natasha of Maria - song found at post
> 
> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/97399531906/track-list-challenge-reminds-natasha-of-maria

Natasha was out for a "stroll". She used to call it scouting but that was when she worked for SHIELD. Now that SHIELD was gone, she was simply taking in different routes she and Maria might take when they went on their runs. Sometimes she ran with the Trip S (Steve, Sam, and Sharon) but Maria had gotten her into the habit.  

It had confused her a little at first, Natasha's method being more along the lines of sparing or boxing, but she'd eventually simply joined Maria. Maria also had a habit of running until she couldn't anymore after really tough missions, so Natasha liked to know the lay of the area ahead of time.  

Currently she was listening to New Alphabet by the Eels as she jogged and it struck her how much it reminded her of Maria. Maria was still tied up in numerous court hearings and while that would drive most people to drink like a fish, Maria was holding it together, her runs seeming to do the trick as well as an occasional cocktail.  

SHIELD had fallen and that had jarred a whole lot of agents. From what Maria told her, Phil had gotten the job done, but there was a moment that it hadn't gone all that well and if it hadn't been for his faith in Fury and in SHIELD, it might have broken him. Natasha knew it was more than that though. Yes, Fury had given him that badge, but it was _Maria_ who had sent Phil those coordinates and sent Fury as back up. Maria was also the one who had set it up so that they intercepted Fitz and Simmons' signal. Tony hadn't understood why they would open to all types of channels but when he heard it, he was glad he'd listened to her, he and Bruce had a soft spot for the two young scientists.  

That was one of the things Natasha loved about Maria. The fall of SHIELD hadn't fazed her for a second. Despite the fact the organization that she dedicated her life to had not only crumbled but had had turned out to be full of traitorous sleeper agents, she took it in stride. Peggy Carter had been a strong influence while Maria was growing up but Maria's sense of duty was entirely her own.  

Maria had taken an oath when she joined SHIELD but she had her own role as well. No matter what job title she held, Maria Hill would always be a soldier but she was something more than that as well.  She was a protecter. Nothing made sense any more. Former allies, friends, the person who you had trusted to cover your back on numerous missions and you had gone with to his nephew's birthday party were now to kill you.  

Fine.  

Maria could deal with that. A blake slate worked both ways. It meant there was one to whom she would have to be held accountable to until much much later, especially since the members of the WSO were either trapped among the debris of Pierce's office or dead. Maria could have destroyed them all. But that wasn't who she was. It wasn't even who Natasha was any more and that was Maria's doing as well.  

Maria had gotten herself a spot at Stark Industries, knowing the government would go to him since they were unable to fund such an intelligence agency overhaul without leaks or someone using the information for personal gain, just look at how well the NSA, FBI, and CIA were doing. Rather than trying to rebuild SHIELD, she was trying to salvage what she could to give Phil something to work with while keeping the government away from things like Tahiti, although if they ask, it's an island and a magical place.  

Natasha was good at cons and plans and working things out but Maria's gift was seeing the big picture. She saw the senators and congressmen for what they were: whiny noise that would be over soon. Even if she didn't love her more than she thought she was capable of, she would stick by Maria's side in any crisis. No offense to Stark or Rogers, but it was Maria who was coming out on top.  

She'd bet her life on it.  

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track list challenge - Song that describes Maria and Natasha's relationship
> 
> Song can be heard here:
> 
> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/97240421536/it-reminds-me-of-maria-natasha-a-little

If you were to ask Sharon or Pepper about Maria and Natasha's relationship...well, they'd probably tell you it was none of your concern. But they knew it would work between the two women if they held out long enough to get past their rocky start.  

One of the first things they had trouble with was names and boundaries. Natasha had trouble calling Maria anything but "Hill". Once she got sort of used to saying Maria, she wasn't sure when she was allowed to say it. Was it when they were alone? Only when they weren't at work? Only when they weren't around people they worked with? It didn't really seem to matter at first anyway, since whenever Natasha used her first name (usually in a tone of frustration) it was wrong.

Maria doesn't call her by her name often. Instead she says "Hey you" or simply starts talking to her. Natasha asks why. 

"Because I've called you Natasha and Romanov at work. We'll figure out a nickname or something but I want you to know I'm talking to you the _person_ not the assassin or spy. Just... you."  

* * *

Maria had a habit of wanting to have some form of contact. Whether their arms were brushing, their hands were clasped together, they were leaning on each other. Sometimes Natasha allowed it because she was simply too tired to do otherwise but it was hard for her to get use to. Maria must have sensed this because it stopped all of a sudden and Natasha missed it more than she had expected to. It wasn't until they were at an auto store picking up a pair of jumper cables for Tony (he'd done 'something' to all of his) that it started again.  

"Ria? Ria Hill! It is you! Look at you. Haven't seen you since those get togethers at your Uncle's!" said an old man who'd just purchased a car battery. Natasha was paying for the cables but noticed that Maria turned a bit pale and that her hands were beginning to shake. She maneuvered her body so that it blocked the man's view of her hands and grabbed one of them with her free hand. She took another look at the man. Time had not treated him well. A smokers cough and beer gut had him moving extremely slow and she had no doubt that Assistant Director Maria Hill could end him in a second with her hands, but Maria wasn't seeing him through the eyes of who she was now. She was still seeing him through the eyes of the girl who live with her Aunt and Uncle. Natasha thanked the cashier and didn't let go of Maria's hand expect to get in the car after Maria was already inside. The windows were tinted so they had that added privacy.  

"Sorry" said Maria as she angrily wiped away at her tears.  

"It's fine. We all have demons in our past" replied Natasha. They headed off to Tony's Natasha keeping her hand in Maria's whenever she could.  

* * *

Maria's morning run initially puzzled Natasha. Aside from the fact she wasn't running from or towards anything, Maria kept to the same routes, varying every so often in case someone was tracking her.  

Well, in this case a certain someone was.  

After her run, Maria would return home and grind some fresh coffee beans and let it brew while she got a quick shower. Except searching her cabinet... she couldn't find it. She just bought them yesterday, she knows she put them here! The tapping at her window has a knife from her kitchen block in her hand instantly.  

Through the window she spots Natasha sitting on her steps wearing a shit eating grin. Maria lets out a deep breath and relaxes as she sets down the knife. Natasha knocks again but this time when Maria looks up, Natasha is slowly shaking her bag of coffee beans at her. _What the hell!_ Maria launches herself towards the front door but the red head is already down the block.  

Maria goes for a second run that day on a route she's never been on and guesses was twice as long. Afterwards they share a shower.  

* * *

It was a bad one. Sharon Carter had done all she could. Sam Wilson had done all he could. Maria had done all she could and Natasha had almost lost her. Still, there had been children and they hadn't been able to save them. Maria had carried a boy out on her back who's leg had a piece of rebar through it. Clint said some HYDRA soldier shot the boy right off of her. He'd put an arrow through the soldier's head. Natasha had nearly thrown up. It far too close and the thought of losing Maria made her ill.

She pushed the thought of the dead child of out her mind.  

She found Maria at a park near their apartment, a spool of string in her hand. Natasha looked up to the sky to see a crisp new royal blue kite soaring in the sky. Maria's usual one was red.  

"Got you one too, if you want to..." said Maria quietly.  

Natasha looked to see an emerald kite sitting on the other side of Maria. Getting it in the air was harder than expected, but it made Maria laugh a little and smile. They spent another hour out there, just two crisp diamonds among the clouds. One blue and one green. Natasha wondered if it was Maria's way of saying goodbye or promising to still keep watch over them when ever she flew a kite. Either way, she love Maria all the more for it.  

* * *

Sharon and Pepper went out for drinks every so often to compare notes. Both of their friends were emotionally stunted in certain ways, they knew that. Maria ran to Sharon because the two of them were practically sisters after Aunt Peggy introduced them to each other. Natasha went to Pepper. She and Pepper had reached...a work relationship at best, after all she had saved Tony's life when he was dying and decided not to tell anyone, but she wasn't Pepper's favorite person. Then Pepper realized that Natasha didn't really have any other 'girl friends' to go to. Melinda wasn't exactly one to talk to. She was more Natasha's style and would probably just go up and tell Maria that Natasha was interested in her and...well it would not end well. While she helped Natasha, the to did actually become good close friends (the fact that she'd been interested in Maria even as far back as when she'd been assigned to protect Tony helped a bit too).  

But then there were issues on either side. Maria was used to being the butt of jokes and drunken dares so she hadn't taken Natasha seriously at first. That wasn't to say that she hadn't been on dates, it was just... a warning that Natasha had better be serious. Maria had gone to prom. Turned out that had been a drunken dare among the guys and the cheerleaders didn't like it and attacked her. Maria got thirty days community service for breaking the head cheerleader's jaw.  

Natasha hadn't wanted to say what her interests were. Finally, she relented and told Pepper that she had spent time with Jane and Darcy and had become fascinated with the stories behind the constellations. The mythology behind them. From there she sort of got drawn into mythology in general. Greek, Roman, Norse... She loved the stories.  

Between the two of them, Sharon and Pepper managed to help Maria and Natasha navigate misunderstandings and unintentional offenses and the two grew to no longer need their help. They simply became something to wonder at. Two women who most thought cold, found happiness with each other.  

Any crass remarks usually wound up being the recipient of an 'accidental' injury from one of the Avengers.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track list challenge (last one!)   
> Free space  
> Listen to track at post:
> 
> http://calvinsolo.tumblr.com/post/97444047526/track-list-challenge-free-space-new-chapter-up

Their relationship had been difficult before SHIELD fell. Between Maria's Assistant Director duties, the ones she could and couldn't talk about, and Natasha's missions it was hard enough to find time to share take out in Maria's office, much less share a bed at night.  

Now that SHIELD had fallen, they had more time to spend together but any possibility of privacy was pretty much gone. Somewhere, in the back of their minds, they knew they wouldn't make it with out each other for support so they made sure to stay in some form of contact everyday no matter what.  

* * *

The government was very interested in the past of Natasha Romanoff. When Natasha had first come to SHIELD there hadn't been much in terms of a file on her. There had been almost no record of Natalia Allanovna Romanova thanks to Red Room, her reputation that had spread world wide by word of mouth.  

Around SHIELD, that's pretty much how news of abilities spread as well.  

And it would remain that way. 

Maria destroyed anything and everything that still existed that had anything to do with Natasha.  

Natasha had come to SHIELD to stop running. They had failed her in that regard, the least they could do was keep people from using her past to dismiss all the work she'd for the world and for herself in an attempt to make up for her past. They only trace of Natalia Allanovna Romanova was the photograph that Natasha now kept that was of her as a ballerina when she was a little girl.

It was the only past that mattered as far as Maria was concerned.  

* * *

Natasha helped Stark when he needed her to and Fury occasionally but she was trying her best to be a 'regular person'.  It was harder than she thought.  She visited Sharon's old wing in the Children's Ward still and told them stories, when to the library and museums and read about subjects that had intrigued her but she'd never had time for.  Spent time in Stark's gym getting reacquainted with dance again.  

Still, despite how she spent her day, she watched Maria come home having worked just as hard as she used to on the Helicarrier or look like she'd spent the entire day sparring but she'd spent the day in hearings again.  It was taking a toll on her, but ever the soldier, Maria fought on.  

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but she heard Tony and Steve corner Maria while she was having lunch with Pepper.  

"The files are missing on Natasha" said Tony flatly. 

"Or should we say Natalia?  Where are they Hill, only you and Fury have clearance to get rid of them" said Steve sternly.  

"Natalia doesn't exist. She hasn't since Natasha came to SHIELD. There never was much in terms of a file on Natasha anyway. As to what happened to it, SHIELD honored it's agreement. Her mission logs are all with Coulson if that's what you're looking for, but her personal file? Her dossier? It doesn't matter" said Maria calmly. Natasha was a floor above them but Pepper saw her as she shifted slightly in her seat and caught her gaze. 

"We need that information, Hill.  You have personal files on me and Tony-."  

"Your history is in every child's history book and Tony's is in Wired and every other tech related magazine.  You know just as well as I do that they'll use it against her, the hospital fire probably their favorite go to, and suddenly her actions in New York and in taking down Pierce and HYDRA will mean nothing.  Actually, you want the files?  Try google like everyone else.  They might still try to use her past against her but to do so they'll need the hard copies, and those are gone.  It's not like she'll forget.  What do you think she's referring to when she's talking about her ledger?  There's no physical copy, Steve.  It's a mental tally of everyone she's killed, gotten killed, or believes she owes a debt to.  With or without the file, the important things won't be forgotten."  

And with that, the subject was closed because Tony nodded and walked back to his lab.  Steve still didn't seem happy but Maria wasn't paying attention anymore and was talking with Pepper again.  

 

Natasha had forgotten what this felt like.  She'd felt a few times, when she was almost sure she was dying and then she was suddenly rescued.  That sudden gasp of air, the feeling that you're actually safe.  This was like a thousand times that.  Despite everything seeming to spiral out of control- Phil's team having a traitor, the death of Victoria Hand, so many friends turned enemy, so many others killed- Maria was protecting her.    

Somewhere in between all the hearings and salvaging of SHIELD secrets she'd found the time to keep her safe. Natasha had been arrogant during her hearing. It hadn't occurred to her that they might have access to her past. In her file was all the reason they needed to keep her in one of their black site prisons. But Maria played the long game, the big picture, and saw that coming. Natasha couldn't remember the last time she'd cried, but sitting in the corner of Stark's gym she sobbed, thankful for the woman named Maria Hill and that she was in her life and loved her.  

They tried to live as normally as possible.  Natasha dyed her hair blonde for a while and Maria wore her hair down and tried a shorter cut before growing it out again.  For the most part, anyone who recognized them knew well enough to leave them alone, but others would leave their tables in restaurants or move away.  That suited them just fine.  SHIELD wasn't winning by a long shot, but they'd get there.  At least the constant sinking feeling was gone.  

Together they just waited to find out what was next.  

 


	19. Chapter 19

If Natasha was being honest, she'd liked Maria from the very beginning. Not in a sexual way, although the way the soldier carried herself, her confidence but not arrogance - she was willing to ask questions when she didn't understand things. Her intelligence made her extraordinarily appealing as well, because when she went to get answers she went to the experts in that field and understood their explanations. She also brought Natasha along, since she'd be the operative on the mission and the one who would find the information the most useful.  

Yes, she'd liked Maria from the beginning. That's what had made her initially afraid of her. When it came to the male agents for the most part, she knew what they wanted and paid them no mind other than to send them sailing across the training room. Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, and Nick Fury were the only exceptions to that group but Nick Fury unsettled her for different reasons.  

The women weren't catty so there was that bonus, but the constant feel of eyes judging her or evaluating her in the women's locker room grew to be just as annoying as the lewd stares from the men. One particular woman intrigued her by giving her a familiar feeling as she evaluated Natasha's form before they sparred. It was an unexpected challenge of a session and the woman introduced herself as Sharon. She later found out from Phil that Sharon was practically Maria's sister. That explained the familiar feeling then.  

When it came to Maria she was frightened that the woman was plotting to hurt her or anything. In fact she knew exactly what she was doing. Maria Hill was becoming her friend. Maria never forced the issue, she simply sat for meals with her while others were still giving her a wide berth, kept in touch with her through out the day, made sure she didn't spend too much time in her own head.  

And for that Natasha was thankful. Memories that she had thought were well buried or even forgotten all together had resurfaced during Coulson's and Barton's retraining of her. Barton had been her first friend and had brought her to SHIELD, and for that she would be forever grateful, but having her relive some of her most horrendous memories, things she'd done without question that were so violent and done at such young ages like fourteen or ten... It would take time for her to forgive him for that much less not want to kill him for it.  

Which brought her back to Maria. Maria was trying to get to know her better. Her hobbies, books, things she did in her spare time. There wasn't much that wasn't SHIELD related on the air ship, but odds were someone had something she could borrow. And this is where Natasha's fear came in. Natasha could remember everything she'd ever read. She ran through the list in her head though and realized that not one of the things had ever been for enjoyment. In fact she didn't know what she liked to do for fun. She eventually confessed this to Maria, more than a little afraid that the woman would lose interest in her and she would be isolated again, but Maria had simply shrugged and left. Natasha sighed and hung her head. Maria returned moments later with and Nintendo DS and Mario Kart.  

"This one is mine so no worries. The Nerf covering is to try and prevent it from breaking when I get mad and throw it at the wall. If you break it in frustration, no worries, I'll just get another or have Phil pick one up for me before he gets back up here. Practice and get used to the game, and then I'll swipe Sharon's and play against you later!" An agent called for Maria and she went off for a meeting, smiling at her as she went off.  

What had Fury said?  She was getting a new start at SHIELD?  She could like it here.  

 

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

One thing that Maria and Natasha love to do on their down time or during long flights is watch movies. Their tastes very from horror movies which they find oddly comforting because they actually know what type of horror to expect, to movies like Pacific Rim.

They tend to stay away from Disney, Natasha knowing the original version of all the fairy tales, and they were not all so kid friendly. Although, now that Maria thinks about it, neither were the Disney films. In Sleeping Beauty the dragon gets sliced up and bleeds green all over, Ursula was impaled with the bow of the ship, Susan Sarandon's witch was impaled on a sky scraper, and the bad guy in Who Framed Roger Rabbit...well that was needlessly horrific. They use to be Phil's way to relax until they watched that one.

When they bought Star Wars, Phil and Clint announced Disney was dead to them.  

One series that they stayed away from was the Hunger Games. Maria had a feeling it might touch on something for Natasha, and she wasn't wrong. It hadn't been a wild guess. Before the first movie came out, the commercials were inescapable. They'd been at home, with Maria resting her head on Nat's chest when one aired. Her heart rate had picked up and there had been a slight tremor in her hands. Maria had gotten up to get a glass of water, an excuse to get Nat one too, and returned moments later to find her forehead and chest dripping in sweat.  

* * *

The man from the stupid movie commercials was too tall and had facial hair but his demeanor was spot on. How could this book series be a number one best seller and the movie have become the number one in the world and was going to be followed up by three more? The images of the young actors preparing to fight and their pretend looks of fear made her feel four years old again. She felt weak as she felt her body lose control and start to shake in terror against her will. Weaker still when someone like Clint or Steve touched her shoulder out of concern and she jumped or violently flinched, having expected the wooden staff like she was used to for showing weakness. Whenever that happened, she went and either ducked into Maria's bunk or her office. Natasha knew Maria wasn't always available to sooth away her fears, but she found comfort in her scent, curling in her sheets or wrapping herself in the slightly too large for her smaller frame jacket that Maria wore to work.  

All those people, those children, would not be so taken with the series if they knew it was real. If they knew that to eliminate the weaker subjects that Red Room strapped a band to each subject's arm and threw them out into the Serbian wilderness they might not love the characters as much. The LED bands on their arms were two colors: red or blue. Red meant you were dead and blue meant you were a killer. If you didn't kill, your band became red too. They sent about fifty of them out at a time. The first test was of course seeing if you woke up with the weather being that cold. Natasha had heard that in the series the characters were provided with weapons. Red Room did not. You had to prove you were capable enough with your hands before you were allowed such a luxury as a weapon. A knife glided through tissue, a pipe fractured bone, a bullet ripped through someone with the twitch of a finger. But could you snap their neck? Use your attacker's strengths against him to the point where he's on his knees and you have twisted his arm behind his back past a spiral fracture but to the point where it has nearly broken off? That was what Red Room wanted to know.  

This plot of rebellion that was in the books. It was laughable. It was Red Room! And what's more, it was Russia. One only needed to think of how many lives had been lost in the various rebellions in Russia or how long they'd gone on to rethink it being a good idea.  

One night, she'd allowed herself to curl into Maria's lap like a child she didn't ever really remember being, and told her all this and more and thanked her. Thanked her for doing her best to keep the movie away from her. Tony had watched some other movie for the billionth time instead of finally getting to watch the second movie during their last flight on his jet.  

* * *

It wasn't the first time they'd looked after each other in such a way. Maria watched over Natasha on her monitors whenever she could between her duties when her lover was away on missions. Natasha had watched the footage from the battle on the bridge when Loki was being rescued. She saw how Maria narrowly missed the grenade but kept fighting despite probably suffering a concussion. She knew that most of Maria's objections had been based in anger. Anger that although the Avengers initiative turned out work, their first enemy happened to be the brother of one of the members. Anger that it had taken one of her best friends from her. Anger that it nearly took her lover from her with a nuke.  

The force with which Maria had grabbed her and clutched her to her had stunned Natasha. The feel of tears on her neck where Maria had burrowed into her was something she'd never felt. A sense of relief washed over her, similar to the one that Maria was feeling with Natasha back in her arms again.  

They continued to look out for each other, from both violent threats and mental ones and that, along with their love for each other, gave them a sense of home.  


	21. Chapter 21

It isn't until there is a moment of calm that Natasha is able to make it back to Maria's. Well, Maria's new apartment, which is real estate owned by Stark so the idiots that are assigned to be her surveillance detail can't get as close. Natasha hadn't needed the extra distance to get in undetected, but it comforted her that Maria was given that added barrier of semi privacy.  

Inside Maria's new place, and seeing all the boxes that are still stacked five feet high, it hits Natasha what was really lost. Maria hadn't even bothered to begin to unpack. SHIELD was gone and while Stark Industries would serve as a temporary place for her to do something useful, as long as it involved being yanked out by congress at any given time for more pointless questions, it was just two steps forward, one step back.  

Maria had helped Natasha decide who she really was, the possibility of having a choice something completely foreign to her. What Natasha just realized was that after a childhood of being told she was meant for nothing, SHIELD had not only shown her that she had purpose, but that she was a protector and a leader. She helped train young agents, knew everyone's name, comforted Jemma Simmons when she'd first arrived at Stark Tower and felt more homesick than ever. She made SHIELD home like it was to her in some ways but also kicked your ass into gear when you needed it. You would die holding your breath for a good job from Fury, but you might get a rare thumbs up or wink from Hill on that day when you needed it the most, like after Fitz had managed to get three different stains on his shirt and be late to his own presentation. He knew his science though and his presentation went well despite his brief stuttering start, and that's what earned him the wink.  

Maria's whole life had been SHIELD and not only had she been at the center of it when came crashing down but she had been the one watching the countdown. Natasha was suddenly hit with another wave of guilt, this one hitting her hard in the gut and almost knocking the wind from her.  

_It was the second time._

The first time had been on her Helicarrier. Nick Fury had taken up temporary residence there, but he was only the move, never staying in one place more than a month. She had known the engines left a lot to be desired, the first person she'd had look at them was Stark. Still, Fury had given that Helicarrier to her. She had watched as friends that had been taken control by an alien had turned friends into enemies and then as their leader had killed her best friend. Her ship had nearly fallen from the sky with her inside.  

This time she had been in the Triskelion, updating them as to their time frame and fighting off attackers that got in her way. Natasha had done her best to maintain her calm demeanor when she heard the gunshots on Maria's end. It had been followed by silence and then as if knowing she needed to hear it, Maria said "I'm fine" and Natasha felt her heart unclench.  

She'd been in the helicopter with Nick and rescuing Sam. Once again, there was no one rescuing Maria. The Helicarriers that wasn't crashing into the Potomac with the other two was crashing into the building Maria was in. Natasha felt her knees begin to wobble and felt herself collapse onto the sofa. She loved Maria, she knew that and had told her numerous times. Faced with how close she'd come to losing her frighten Natasha even more than the aliens in New York or when the Hulk had been chasing her.  

It was a short time later that Maria came home, looking exhausted. Her eyes met Natasha's and filled up with tears. Natasha caught her as collapsed into her arms and held her tight as she cried. She hadn't been there for Maria before, but she was going to be here in any and every way Maria needed her now. She would help her find her sense of home again.  

Unknown to Natasha, Maria had found most of what she'd been missing waiting for her on her couch.  


	22. Chapter 22

They were fighting. Phil's death had hit them all hard and Maria had kept lying to her even after SHIELD had fallen. She had left Natasha sleeping in her bed while she went off to help Phil. Natasha was used to a life of lies but she had thought she had given that up when she started seeing Maria, only to find Maria had been lying to her face for months.  

The knock at her door almost went unanswered, thinking it might be Maria. Instead, on the other side she found Phil himself.  

"She didn't know until they were sure I'd...until I was medically in the clear." Natasha turned and walked back to her place at the window. It was high enough to keep her from becoming a target and allowed her to look out at the streets below.  

"She went off to help you without telling me. We lost SHIELD, Phil. The least she could have done was tell me you were still alive. Did she send you?"  

"No. May mentioned that you finding out that I was alive couldn't have gone over well. I was surprised to hear you two were still together" commented Phil. Natasha turned to give him a sharp look. "Not because you two aren't good for each other, just because you don't tend to stay long in one place and Maria gets busy with work and then has a habit of self sabotage because she doesn't think anything good can happen to her" explained Phil with a shrug. Natasha supposed that was true.  

Phil let out a sigh. When it came to Natasha, things were never easy. "It's not the first time she's kept something from you, you know" said Phil, giving her that look. She hated that look and he knew it. It was that "Dad" look that said he knew her better than she'd like. Natasha rolled her eyes. Maria was the Assistant Director, there were probably millions of things she knew that Natasha didn't. 

"She went off grid for a bit when you went undercover working for Stark. I covered for her because that's what friend's do." He had piqued her interest enough that she let the little dig about friends go.  

"It turned out that one of the people that had helped Ivan Vanko while he was still in Russia, recognized Pepper Potts' new assistant even though she had managed to stay mostly out of frame. A Wayne Kruger had made his way to the US, and was thirty five miles from Stark Industries Headquarters and ten miles from the building Natalie Rushman currently had an apartment in." Natasha felt her throat tighten. She didn't remember his real name, but Kruger was the alias he was most fond of. They had met in Red Room, both having been trained to be the best at their craft. When she went and joined SHIELD he saw it as an ultimate betrayal that earned her a death sentence. They had tangled twice before, each time Natasha only narrowly escaping.  

"She went and killed him. Suffered a knife wound to her collar bone and a broken left wrist, but took care of him. Fury wasn't happy, but it was one less threat that we had to worry about. We were worried about him getting to you of course, but there was also the worry that where ever he went Red Room would follow soon after. Thankfully, that wasn't the case." Phil let that sink in while he helped himself to a glass of water. Natasha thought back to what had been going on then. With Ivan attacking Stark in Monaco and then the fight at his house and his secretly dying, she'd had her hands full and Kruger would have easily gotten the drop on her. She'd seen the scar on Maria's shoulder numerous times, but never known the story behind it. She and Phil continued to talk the rest of the afternoon, but come that evening Natasha was back at Maria's door.  

Opening the door, she saw that Maria looked as if she'd done nothing but cry since Natasha had left. Peeking out from the edge of collar was the scar.

She pulled Maria into her arms and shut the door behind her.


	23. Chapter 23

Maria and Natasha had both been called to testify and were waiting to do so in a room off of the courtroom. Pepper had explained that this was probably the men in suits throwing their wait around, and they'd probably spend their day waiting only to not testify about anything, but if they didn't show they could be placed under arrest for failure to show.  

Maria had brought her iPhone and charger along with a book. Her book had held her interest for all two seconds. She'd grabbed from her bookshelf as they'd left the apartment, but when Natasha spotted the title she could see why it held little interest. _Of Mice and Men_.  

"Damnit."  

Natasha had brought with her a book of sudoku puzzles and one of crossword puzzles. Bruce did her the favor of pointing out to her the ones that were actually a challenge. She was currently working on the crosswords.  

"Damnit!"  

Or trying to. Maria had been cursing at her phone all morning and whatever it was that had her so frustrated, Natasha was this close to shooting it because it was getting on her last nerve too.  

"Son of a--!" Natasha rolled her eyes and set her book and pen down.  

"What is it?" Maria looked up, seeming surprised that Natasha was there and that she'd said anything out loud. 

"It's this game! Someone made an Avengers racing game and I keep getting knocked off the course by Tony and his stupid blinding light show!" Natasha went around the table and set her chin on Maria's shoulder.  

"Why are you Thor and not me?" asked Natasha, figuring that was Maria's first mistake. Obviously.  

"Because I haven't unlocked your character yet! I can't until I win this race, and Thor's bulky, but if I time it right I can use his flying hammer to boost me to win but Tony blocks me from seeing the last one and I fall over the side!" growled Maria she tried again only to end up the same way. The small digital character of Tony flew into the middle of the screen and flipped up the mask of his helmet to beam at them while the words " _You Lose!_ " floated behind him.

Great, now Natasha hated him too.  

* * *

Over the next few hours, Natasha and Maria alternated positions, trying everything they could think of to get past smirking little Tony Stark. At this point, Maria was playing around Natasha who was sitting in her lap. A frustrated thrusting of both of Maria's thumbs forward on the small screen at the same time let little digital Thor throw his hammer and knocked him out of the air. She hugged Natasha in celebration.  

"Hey! Natasha's racer has the best speed and control!" said Maria as she looked at the new racer.

"Were you expecting anything less?" commented Natasha as she sat back down with her puzzles.

"Better weapons. These are kind of shitty" answered Maria.

"What? Let me see!"

That's how the guard found them, both hovering over the screen of Maria's iPhone when he went to tell them they were free to go for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little lighter after two that ended on a sad note. Sorry about that. That time of year and a the memory of a friend don't always bring out the cheeriest in writing. 
> 
> On another semi sad note, the game that Maria is playing doesn't exist or I'd be playing it instead of writing


	24. Chapter 24

Maria was walking out on the small park area next to the courthouse. She’d been answering questions again but it was starting the doubts in the back of her mind and this time they were getting louder. Her job had been to oversee SHIELD operations and missions, both in the air and on the ground as well as those that included Avengers involvement. It was what the congressional committee was currently was drilling her on. She had taken to explaining it like you would to a small child, that Barton and Romanov also operated as SHIELD Assets in addition to Avengers. In fact it had been their original classification. But the more HYDRA was in the news, the more Maria doubted herself. You’d have to be looking for it to see their recent exploits, but they were there. Maria let out a sigh.  

She’d vetted Grant Ward herself. It wasn’t so much that it hurt her pride, like people thought. It was that Phil was one of her best friends and she had lost him once already. Through one of the miracles that they encountered every so often on their job, he’d been brought back. So what had she done? She’d placed a HYDRA sleeper agent as a key member of his team. She was very lucky she still had him. His words had hurt, no matter how ridiculous his accusations of keeping secrets had been. HE was one of those very secrets, and it killed her not to tell Clint, not to tell Tony, not to tell Steve who had taken it especially hard. Natasha knew because she had guessed while Fury was in the room and Maria had nearly cried in relief at not having to keep it from her anymore. Still, it didn’t lessen the weight of keeping it from the others. But of everyone, she had stupidly thought Phil would understand that she couldn’t keep in touch with a dead man unless he was the one to reach out first. That and the fact that since he was no longer at his usual post, she was doing both of their duties and had been since he’d died. The one who did understand was Melinda May in addition to Natasha who had been with her as much as possible since Fury’s "funeral".  

Of the whole HYDRA reveal, the biggest blow had been the murder of Victoria Hand. A shot to the chest and a shot to the head delivered by Grant Ward. It was devastating but also a reminder of how easily it could have been Phil. Victoria had gone through the academy with her and Melinda and she’d been Hartley’s lover. Victoria’s brilliant mind always kept her a step ahead and would have kept her alive, had it not been for Ward. There were moments where Maria was struck by how much she missed the woman. How she could have sworn she just heard Victoria mumble something about one of the congressmen in her usual dry wit. She’d called Nat and talked to her about it to try and fight off the overwhelming sadness that built in her stomach and the tingling of a panic attack.  

Then there was Jasper Sitwell. Maria supposed she would always wonder if he’d been HYDRA from the beginning or if he’d been recruited later. It was still so hard to believe but she didn’t doubt Natasha’s account. It was just, he fought with her and been with her on missions. She’d seen the shared sliver of fear in his eyes as they held on and continued to fight as the Helicarrier tilted sideways, losing balance. But Loki was Earth’s shared enemy and as "mighty" as HYDRA is, she suppose Loki was a mutual enemy.  

Had he always been that way? Jasper Sitwell had gone through the academy with them as well. He’d gone on missions with Maria to help rescue children and other individuals from being experimented on. It couldn’t be something as simple as an ideal that made him think he was any different from any of those other psychotic individuals. Could it? She had trusted him and considered him a close friend, as close as she was with Melinda or Phil. He’d been in and out of her office every day, without her suspecting a thing.  

Until that moment he told her she was wanted at the New York office immediately. Natasha had already told her of her suspicions and Maria had told her where they could find him later, but a small part of her was still holding out hope. But at that moment, she knew it was all true. His voice was void of any history and friendship they once shared and only held his slightly veiled threat. Was this who he truly was, had been all these years?  

Natasha told her not to blame herself and that it wasn’t her fault. How could she have seen something that had been in progress for decades? But she didn’t understand. Maria was Second in Command. It was her job to send them into battle, but also to keep them safe. She did her best to make sure that Clint and Natasha always had multiple exit strategies on their ops, that their maps and intel were current, that they had the needed supplies in reserve and on hand. She did the same for all her agents, although she knew not all of the handlers did the same. As their commanding officer, the entrusted her with their lives and trusted her implicitly. It was all the more reason to ensure their safety as much as possible seeing as how they were willingly risking their lives for a very literally thankless job.  

Being a SHIELD agent had few rewards, one of the hardest being that the world might have been saved by they're hand ten times over and the public would never know and they'd never receive any credit. If Maria's testimony did anything, she wanted to stress this point and make it clear. These people were heroes, every last one of them. She thinks of the flight crews and pilots, the security staff and still very young and green agents, the ones who weren't even armed who responded to Captain America's announcement over the comms that day. Sharon told her of the trembling technician who had refused to launch the ships, even when Rumlow had the muzzle of his gun against the boy's head.  

The Generals and Admirals mocked and used her former title of Commander against her. Maria hits right back, saying the only title taken from her was Assistant Director of SHIELD and that was taken by HYDRA. She served in the military before joining SHIELD and achieved the rank of Commander and still holds it. It shuts the pompous military boys club up and spurs weeks of coverage on Maria Hill's military service, which is of course pristine and shows off everything about her that caught SHIELD's eye. With a brilliant tactical mind and knowledge and experience of foreign affairs, rumors of her possibly being the next Secretary of State or Secretary of Defense begin to surface, but Maria tells them that the jobs are of no interest to her, that politics never was.  

Her agents are branded terrorists after HYDRA pulls a stunt at the UN. Maria is brought before the court and asked why shouldn't they bring her up on criminal charges. Her agents have gone rogue. Maria protests and says they are no longer her agents. If they would like to recheck their record, they seized control a long time ago and Maria now works at Stark Industries. She does state that the individuals involved weren't SHIELD agents for numerous reason, the main one being they wouldn't be so stupid. A show of force gains them nothing especially since so many have gone off grid to separate themselves from the ones willing to sell whatever they knew to whoever could pay the most. Essentially, after scattering and coming across as weak, a show of force without an actual endgame doesn't help anyone. Inciting fear just makes it more likely that they'll be found sooner. As for the suggestion that she had anything to do with it, Maria is fined $250 for saying that one of the committee members "couldn't possibly be as big of a stupid son of a bitch as he looked, it just wasn't possible". She went on to explain that she couldn't have been involved because at the time any planning and the actual event had taken place, she'd been in this same fucking courtroom (earning her another fine).  

Maria knew she was a protector and she took her job as being one very seriously. But her world had crumbled and she worried that the threads from her lover's webs wouldn't hold her much longer. Natasha had stayed. She had told Steve she was going to figure out who she was, and that part of her life included Maria. She felt like Natasha had spun her two webs of support, one with strings that held her up and the other ready to catch her should she fall.  

Maria's new greatest fear was that they would come for her Spider next. They would come and she wouldn't know what would happen. She knew that if Natasha left with them she would likely disappear into the very hole at some black site that had been for her. Which is why her first impulse would be to kill all those who came after her, her final attempt to keep Natasha safe. To keep her promise to at least one of her agents. It would get Maria killed or thrown in a secret prison as well. Still, the thought of never seeing the inside of a courtroom again made it almost worth it.  

But Natasha told her every night as she stroked her fingers through Maria's hair, that yes, Captain America and Iron Man were known for saving the world, but she'd always put her faith in Maria. Without her, the boys wouldn't even know which way the fight was coming from. Maria was a protector, and she had had the foresight to be on alert should the WSO try anything when New York was under attack. It was the only reason they knew in enough time about the nuke for Tony to have a plan to space it. She'd known about it in enough time that Fury had almost stopped it while it was still on the ship. Maria was a protector, a shield for not just the public but Avengers and agents too. A shield that protected everyone. Given the way the world was now, it was a truly rare thing and Natasha found it amazing.  

And that's where Maria found the strength to fight on a little longer each day.


	25. Chapter 25

Natasha has always loved dance. Despite everything, she still does. She has a vague memory of being very excited when she'd been told she'd be attending dance classes.  

She doesn't remember the performance, but it did happen because SHIELD had a photo of it and a copy of the newspaper clipping. She'd read the clipping and she wasn't mentioned by name by there was no mistake, it was her. Maria had violated all sorts of protocols and rules when she made a copy of the photo to leave in the file and gave Natasha the original. It was the first real thing Natasha had that reassured her that she wasn't broken. That she hadn't lost her mind. That they were old memories that invaded her dreams, not fantasies that her mind created to try and protect her.  

Once she knew they were memories, they became more defined and felt less foreign. She remembered how once she was with Red Room, her feet that had once trained to float across the floor in time to music and movement now floated in time to her breathing time and security camera movements. Where once she was drilled on grace and poise she was now drilled on efficiency and noise.  

But there were aspects that weren't that different. She was better fed than she could ever remember and taught how to care for her own injuries. It was a source of pride to not need to rely on anyone else, whether that was simply her Russian blood or had been subtly taught to her, she couldn't tell you. The same small fingers that used to change the laces on her shoes so fluidly could now reassemble and load a gun the same way.  

It was hard. They were strict. There was no room for "I'll do better next time". At first she had been surprised that her dance instructor was a part of it. Dance was an essential part of her training as well. Balance, timed movements, fluidity, pacing, and then there was the dance itself. You never knew when a mission might call for dinner with a guy who might ask you to dance.  

Even when she'd left and become part of SHIELD she loved to dance, but it no longer held the same feel it once did before. The moves feel stilted and her hips no longer feel the sway as they once did. But she adjusts. If nothing else, Red Room taught her how she could adjust to almost anything. She can ignore the hollow almost completely now. When she dances with Tony and Steve at events and Clint undercover, she tells herself that this, this mediocre feeling, this dull hum of pleasure, is what it's always been. It's dance as she's always known it.  

When she dances with Maria, she knows she can't fool herself anymore. Natasha spots Pepper at the door of the gym, sealing them off. Well, telling JARVIS to admit no one until after they have left. After talking to Pepper well into the night, Natasha foolishly promised Pepper she'd ask Maria to be her date to the event. She and Maria have been talking and due to Natasha's need for movement, the gym seemed the best place.  

"I haven't danced in ages. Peggy taught me, saying it would improve my balance and reflexes. Still, the last thing I need is to fall on my face in heels. I tend to feel that way in heels anyway" says Maria.  

"Is that the reason for the converse today?" teases Natasha.  

"I happen to love my Chuck Taylors, thank you" replies Maria.  

"Well, let's see how much dance you remember" says Natasha as she slips down from the boxing ring.  

"What?"  

And that's how she remembers the light feeling and gliding of her feet as she dances across the mats with Maria Hill, who has agreed to be her date to the event. She remembers the joy dancing brought her because not only does it once again, but it also seems to be reflected in Maria's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a lot about Red Room using ballet classes to find girls to recruit into Red Room and it being how hey found Natasha. Seeing a glimpse of it in the trailer for Age of Ultron was freaky. Considering my stories tend to take a darker turn regarding her past, lets hope the movie doesn't go that dark. Can't wait though!


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